My Awkward Youth And Its Consequence

I think it’s pretty safe to say that I was a dorky kid in high school. Apart from my love, I loved discussing them. Now in my early twenties all that seems ok, but way back when, in Ohio where I grew up, in my high school, those things were a perfect combination to get all the intention I didn’t want to attract.  I wasn’t sure why this angered my bullies, but it did.

Maybe they felt threatened, maybe they had issues of their own, maybe it had more to do with my overall demeanor, whatever it was I was their target and my presence was not to be tolerated. A place I used to love coming to pretty much every day, now became something I dreaded, feared and felt anxious about.  It reached a point where I had to go around the back way to go inside. Looking over my shoulder for the “Rob’s Mob,” as they used to call themselves (weirdly enough no one was named Rob) became a natural reflex, one I perfected in high school.

Eventually, even the internet wasn’t a refuge anymore. I used to play a lot of online games, but even there they found me, told me horrible things. They even hounded my facebook profile, left obscene comments. All this, of course, made me retreat into myself, even more, retreat further into my books. You really couldn’t tell anyone all this was happening, because if you were a snitch thing would get so much worse.

The only person I could confide in was my best friend, Mark. He was a quiet kid who had a lisp which I used to play WoW with.  He was their target too, which only made us closer friends. The thing is in Hudson where I grew up, everyone kinda knew everyone else, and the biggest bullies in school were the popular kids.

When you grow up in a town that small sports matter and “Rob’s Mob” was entirely made of jokes, so the teachers either turned a blind eye or just simply didn’t care. Whatever it was if left us to deal with things ourselves which, now in retrospect wasn’t a bad thing. When you’re dealing with bullies, it either makes you weak, or strong as hell.